5. I find better bargains and "hidden" shops in random alleys than my family who has lived here for more than 20 years. I've somehow become addicted to the markets in South Delhi...I think it might be related to #2 or maybe unemployment has something to do with it? Nah.
4. I am officially an Overseas Citizen of India!...aka after months of running to and from the Indian Ministry of Home Affairs, dozens of phonecalls, a stressful week when I thought I would be deported and many trips to ICICI bank and random couriers, I have been granted OCI. I finally have a lifelong Indian Visa that grants me all the rights that an Indian citizen has except the right to vote (which we realize isn't too hard of a right to get anyway) and the right to own agricultural property.
3. I was hit on (with the worst pickup line ever, but that's a completely different story) approximately 4 minutes after becoming an Overseas Citizen of India...which leads me to believe that my newly acquired visa might be somewhat of a commodity (ok, let's be honest, not really. The only REAL perk is a special line at the Indian airport).
2. I ride around in an AC'ed car with a personal driver. Well, I occasionally hire a car + driver when I have a busy day and have to run a lot of errands (read: run from one sari shop to another sari shop)...and it costs roughly $14 which includes awesome Punjabi music from the friendly turban-wearing Sikh driver. If that's not the best $14 ever spent, I'm not sure I know what is.
1. I get Diet Cokes delivered to my home...um, yeah. No extra charge. Yes, granted the market is less than a 4 minute walk away, but that's not the point.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Reasons why I might never go to a Hindu Temple ever again...
What I thought would be a nice, pleasant and cheap afternoon doing something "typically Kolkatan" turned into a 355 Rs. adventure that I don't wish onto anyone. Not even my worst enemy. Well, maybe my worst enemy.
But, seriously. Not realizing today was a big festival honoring "Kali," the Goddess of time and change (Thank you, Wikipedia), I decided to visit Kolkata's holiest site, the Kalighat Temple dedicated to the Goddess Kali and considered to be the namesake of the city.
I was alone and PMSing and had just said goodbye to a good friend. Agreed I was a target...but should I really have been targeted?!?
7. Pandit Hawkers. I was "spotted" more than 50m away from the Temple and given unsolicited directions to the entrance. Although I knew from previous experience to stay strong and refuse to enter the Temple with anyone, I took this kind man's words as a gesture of kindness (this could also be referred to as "mistake #1)...and followed a Pandit (Priest) through the gate as he told me he would help me do "dharshan" (receive blessings) at the Temple.
6. Expensive Stuff That Was Put Into A Basket. The Pandit led me to a sweet shop to buy gifts for KaliMa as he said they don't accept monetary donations. He asked me how much of the sweets I wanted to give and I told him very firmly "Not too much. Smallest possible." I then asked about the charge for the Pandit escort, coconut, flowers, sweets and other goodies that were put into the basket that I had inadvertantly purchased...he responded with "60-70 Rs." Not bad, right? Except when I was ready to pay the bill after having visited the Temple it was 205 Rs. I tried to give back the already cracked open coconut and I think I may or may not have offended every person around me.
5. Dirt and Shit. I had to walk barefoot through this incredibly filthy Temple ground, felt something squishy under my feet only to realize I just stepped in goat shit (see #3) just to get to the holy statue which was so crowded that I was only able to see it for 2 seconds before being mauled out of there.
4. Hidden Fees Given to Unsuspecting Believers. I was standing next to my Pandit escort when he pushed me into another Pandit who started chanting and praying for me. Who doesn't like a blessing? I stood quietly and listened. He mumbled stuff in Sanskrit that I could not understand in between asked my name and mumbled that in too. I braced myself for a 100 Rs. donation. Apparently, the ritual he had performed was actually a 500 Rs. ritual and when I said I wouldn't pay that much he was extremely offended, took it as a sign that I was having money problems and proceeded to perform another ritual to bless me with money so I could pay the fees.
3. Dead Goats. There were goat sacrifices occurring right on the Temple grounds. I literally saw a man holding a dead goat's head in his hands.
2. Uneccessary Tears. The Pandits (Priests) at Kalighat Temple in Kolkata made me cry. This was actually a result of #3-7.
1. The Golden Temple. I mean have you seen the Golden Temple? Seriously, it is the holiest place for Sikhs in all of India and is the cleanest slash gives the warmest and fuzziest feeling of any holy place I have been slash the prasad (God's blessings) is absolutely delicious. It is also in Punjab, and well, we all know how I feel about Punjabis...
But, seriously. Not realizing today was a big festival honoring "Kali," the Goddess of time and change (Thank you, Wikipedia), I decided to visit Kolkata's holiest site, the Kalighat Temple dedicated to the Goddess Kali and considered to be the namesake of the city.
I was alone and PMSing and had just said goodbye to a good friend. Agreed I was a target...but should I really have been targeted?!?
7. Pandit Hawkers. I was "spotted" more than 50m away from the Temple and given unsolicited directions to the entrance. Although I knew from previous experience to stay strong and refuse to enter the Temple with anyone, I took this kind man's words as a gesture of kindness (this could also be referred to as "mistake #1)...and followed a Pandit (Priest) through the gate as he told me he would help me do "dharshan" (receive blessings) at the Temple.
6. Expensive Stuff That Was Put Into A Basket. The Pandit led me to a sweet shop to buy gifts for KaliMa as he said they don't accept monetary donations. He asked me how much of the sweets I wanted to give and I told him very firmly "Not too much. Smallest possible." I then asked about the charge for the Pandit escort, coconut, flowers, sweets and other goodies that were put into the basket that I had inadvertantly purchased...he responded with "60-70 Rs." Not bad, right? Except when I was ready to pay the bill after having visited the Temple it was 205 Rs. I tried to give back the already cracked open coconut and I think I may or may not have offended every person around me.
5. Dirt and Shit. I had to walk barefoot through this incredibly filthy Temple ground, felt something squishy under my feet only to realize I just stepped in goat shit (see #3) just to get to the holy statue which was so crowded that I was only able to see it for 2 seconds before being mauled out of there.
4. Hidden Fees Given to Unsuspecting Believers. I was standing next to my Pandit escort when he pushed me into another Pandit who started chanting and praying for me. Who doesn't like a blessing? I stood quietly and listened. He mumbled stuff in Sanskrit that I could not understand in between asked my name and mumbled that in too. I braced myself for a 100 Rs. donation. Apparently, the ritual he had performed was actually a 500 Rs. ritual and when I said I wouldn't pay that much he was extremely offended, took it as a sign that I was having money problems and proceeded to perform another ritual to bless me with money so I could pay the fees.
3. Dead Goats. There were goat sacrifices occurring right on the Temple grounds. I literally saw a man holding a dead goat's head in his hands.
2. Uneccessary Tears. The Pandits (Priests) at Kalighat Temple in Kolkata made me cry. This was actually a result of #3-7.
1. The Golden Temple. I mean have you seen the Golden Temple? Seriously, it is the holiest place for Sikhs in all of India and is the cleanest slash gives the warmest and fuzziest feeling of any holy place I have been slash the prasad (God's blessings) is absolutely delicious. It is also in Punjab, and well, we all know how I feel about Punjabis...
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